Guddu Rangeela Review: High on Promise, Low on Delivery

Guddu Rangeela is a prominent singer in Bhojpuri music industry, famous or rather infamous for his songs that are laced with sexual innuendos and crass lyrics. Subhash Kapoor’s film Guddu Rangeela, on the contrary, opens with an absolutely riveting ‘modern devotional song’- Mata Ka Email. While many may not be familiar with the Bhojpuri singer Guddu Rangeela, but the irony of the film, with that same notorious name, starting with a hilarious devotional song will not be lost on someone from Bihar. Sadly, despite a funny start and a reasonably exciting mid-point, Subhash Kapoor’s film squanders its potential in a dreary, lost second half.

The film is set in the rural milieu of Haryana, a land known for its notorious Khap panchayats, local political strongmen and a society marred by deep caste divides. Guddu (Amit Sadh) and Rangeela (Arshad Warsi) are brothers who pose as local orchestra players but are in reality petty thieves-cum-informers who tip off organized burglary gangs about potential wealthy households. Circumstances embroil the brothers into a kidnapping incident where it turns out that their supposed victim Baby (Aditi Rao Hydari) has dragged them into a game plan of her own. Also in the frame is Billu Pehelwan (Ronit Roy), a local MLA and Khap strongman who has a past to share with all the three protagonists – Guddu, Rangeela and Baby.

To be fair to the writer-director Subhash Kapoor, Guddu Rangeela does have an enticing premise beaming with great promise. Although, the film is riddled by numerous sub-plots, they never really drag down the film. What pulls the film down is its meandering screenplay and treatment in the second half. You are confused about the intentions of the maker as to what exactly he is trying to dish out – a social commentary, a satire, a crime-thriller, a comedy, or wait, a love story? The tacky Guddu-Baby love song in the second half comes out of nowhere and unnecessarily drags the film’s run time. Similarly, there are some unwanted and long cat-and-mouse sequences where Guddu and Rangeela, or their brethren, land in a soup, only to come out of it unscathed. The film’s climax is also not executed perfectly with the numerous unpolished sub-plots suddenly raising their hands to get noticed. And yes, there’s an attempt to deliver a lecture on futility of Khaps and women empowerment towards the end. That entire scene is so preachy and somewhat embarrassing that you shift in your seat a little.

But at heart, Guddu Rangeela is a harmless comical affair. As pointed earlier, the film has a breezy first half that is sprinkled with ample doses of humor – humor that is overt but also tastefully subtle at times. The camaraderie of brothers, Arshad Warsi and Amit Sadh, is pretty cool and together they look like a team of goons-with-noble-hearts that you feel like rooting for. While Amit Sadh plays the more extrovert and ‘rangeen’ Guddu (I wonder why he was not named Rangeela, given his penchant for flings), Arshad Warsi plays the more restrained but much-wittier Rangeela. Arshad Warsi is in form here after a long time and gets to mouth a bulk of the film’s quirky, excellent dialogues. Amit Sadh is well-suited for his role and Aditi Rao Hydari does a fantastic job of her relatively sizable role in the first half. The romantic angle between the two is little inexplicable and largely untapped. Among the support cast, Rajeev Gupta emerges as a show-stealer in the role of a Haryanawi Police officer whose innocence and superb comic timing belies the stereotypical portrayal of corrupt police officers in Hindi films. Ronit Roy looks menacing as the antagonist and seamlessly picks up a thick but believable Haryanawi accent.

Overall, Guddu Rangeela is one of those films that makes you think – ‘only if they could have done this differently’. A kind of film that you want to laud for its merits but you also cannot ignore its glaring loopholes. Watch this Subhash Kapoor film because it has some genuinely funny dialogues, a tempting premise and a couple of actors with great comic timing. Give it a miss, if you are absolutely averse to complicated subplots and lengthy ‘trapped-and-rescued’ sequences.

Rating: **1/2 (Average)

Box Office: Why Should Bollywood be Wary of Its American Big Brother?

Hardly a week back, Rajkumar Hirani and Vidhu Vinod Chopra threw a bash in Mumbai to celebrate PK’s unprecedented success in China – an unconventional and largely untapped territory for Hindi films. The event was attended by a visibly beefed up Aamir Khan, Anushka Sharma and other cast and crew of the film. Around the same time, in the same bustling and humid Mumbai, the members of the fabled Bhatt Camp were huddling and wondering what exactly went wrong with their ambitious Hamari Adhuri Kahani. Like they say, every Friday fortunes fluctuate in Mumbai and few would know it better than the Bhatt brothers – Mahesh and Mukesh – who produced the Emraan Hashmi-Vidya Balan starrer. So while PK has taken Bollywood to dizzying new heights (in terms of business) by grossing over a staggering 100 crores in China, back home in India, things do not look so bright for a film that’s backed by one of the most reliable and profitable film production houses.

But, what went wrong with Hamari Adhuri Kahani? Bad reviews? Not really, because it’s not rare for a Bhatt camp film to be panned by critics. In fact, Mahesh Bhatt and his ilk have a firm grip over the mood and nerve of the masses. They know what works in huge swaths of India that resides outside metros and big cities and that’s precisely the formula behind their production house’s roaring success in the last decade, irrespective of how the critics receive the film. Then, what killed Hamari Adhuri Kahani? Apart from its own glaring misgivings, the film was seemingly chomped down by rampaging dinosaurs of Jurassic World who rode straight into the hearts of the Indian masses, leaving behind a weeping Vidya Balan and a shocked Emraan Hashmi. Yes, you read it right.

Here are some facts that tell us how Hollywood is slowly but surely posing a serious challenge to Bollywood:

1. With the super success of films like Fast and Furious 7, Avengers: The Age of Ultron and now Jurassic World, the writing is clear on the wall for our desi producers. They do not just need to watch out for potential box office clashes with ‘Khan Films’, but they also need to be wary of big Hollywood releases – especially films that are successful franchises or fall in the action/sci-fi genre. Sample this – Fast and Furious 7 released on the same day as Detective Byomkesh Bakshy and easily trumped it to emerge the winner at the box office. The first week collection of Detective Byomkesh Bakshy was a paltry 19.75 crores. Contrast it with Fast and Furious 7, which grossed around 70 crores in week 1 and then went on to become the highest grossing Hollywood film ever in India with lifetime business of a remarkable 110 crores. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that Detective Byomkesh Bakshy, already a niche multiplex film, was swept away by the rampaging F&F franchise.The history seems to have repeated itself with Hamari Adhuri Kahani and Jurassic World. While the Hindi film could only mint 16 Crores in its opening weekend with virtually no growth and a poor trend, the Dinosaur franchise went from strength to strength and garnered close to 30 crores in its opening weekend with a very healthy trend.
2. While Bollywood producers are rightly vying for more and more overseas business and going into foreign territories that no one ever imagined before, back home the domestic audience also seems to have matured and developed a definitive, distinct taste. Any Bollywood product with mediocre content (Bombay Velvet, Hamari Adhuri Kahani) is summarily rejected and only films with good content (Piku, TWMR) are accepted. With ticket prices soaring, the audience is not ready to compromise on content until and unless the film is spearheaded by a massive star (read the Khans). Interestingly, the same junta is taking up to ‘event’ Hollywood films with disaster, sci-fi and action themes in a big way. Even content driven Hollywood films like Gravity, Life of Pi and Inception have started to make a mark at the Indian box office with collections going well into tenth and eleventh weeks!
3. Hollywood films have the great advantage of big studio backing which allows them to dub in regional languages. This ensures that the overall business of these films in India goes up significantly. Imagine this – more than 50% of Jurassic World’s business in India is driven by dubbed regional versions. On the other hand, growing number of multiplexes in the country has encouraged the Hindi filmmakers to make films that cater only a niche segment of the audience. For example, although Zoya Akhtar’s Dil Dhadakne Do should manage to earn profits, most of its revenue is coming only from 4-5 big cities like Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore and Pune. The film’s collections in mass belts like Bihar, CP and Rajasthan is very low.So, while Hollywood is solidifying its net collections through dubbed versions, Hindi films are losing out their pan-India appeal. There are hardly four to five Hindi films every year that can boast of healthy all India business. A point to ponder for the producers?

It can be easily said that Hollywood is at its strongest best at the Indian box office right now. With continued flow of mediocre Hindi films, very few big-budget and star-driven films and more and more niche films in the offing, the time is ripe for the big American Daddy to conquer the Indian market which has so far proved to be elusive. Not suggesting that the dinosaurs and the ETs are going to run riot in India and throw the Hindi films out of the window, but there’s a definite nudge, or rather a push, from the high and mighty Hollywood. And the push is big enough for Bollywood to sit back and notice.

Hamari Adhuri Kahani: Shockingly Regressive and Melodramatic

There are good films and there are bad films. And then there are some films that are so unbelievably bad that you feel like shouting - why did they make this film!!? Hamari Adhuri Kahani, the latest melodramatic overdose from the Bhatt camp, is so regressive, unbelievable, over-the-top and nauseating that you stop expecting anything within half an hour into the film. Mohit Suri, the film's director, has a reasonable track record with good little films like Kalyug, Awarapan and Woh Lamhe under his belt. In fact, Suri has also been at the helm of affairs for three consecutive blockbusters for the Bhatt Camp in the recent past - Ek Villain, Aashiqui 2 and Murder 2.

Apart from a credible director, the film boasts of three fine actors in form of Vidya Balan, Emraan Hashmi and Rajkumar Rao, but the end product is so mediocre, pointless and boring that even you, as regular moviegoer, would like to hang your head in shame. Hamari Adhuri Kahani's biggest lacuna is its kahani itself. Mahesh Bhatt and Shagufta Rafiq's story is so contrived, half-baked and dipped with horrendous dialogues that it can make 80s cinema look like sparking pieces of art. In fact, some of the dialogues are so cheesy and loaded that you silently giggle in your mind and think how they would become a rage once the dubsmash milieu laps them up!

Both Emraan and Vidya mouth some of the worst written lines that one can remember in recent times, but the cherry on the top is saved for Emraan's mother who looks at Vidya and asks his son, "Kaun Hai Ye Banjaran?" Not just that, she even goes on to lecture her on how its time she stopped being 'Sita' and became 'Radha'! Phew! Such rhetorical verbal stone pelting may have been 'cool' in the 80s but is definitely out-of-date and bogus for current times. It is annoying when none of the characters in the film talk to each other in simple words. They are all perennially grim, look heavily constipated and thrash each other with verbal and metaphorical bricks. There is a constant and disturbing imagery of flowers and a VFX-enabled climax in a "valley of flowers" near Bastar (I am sure no place like that excists near Bastar) that looks so odd that it makes special effects of Mallika Sherawat's Hisss look pretty cool.

For those of you who are still interested in the film's story and plot - Vidya Balan plays Vasudha Prasad, a young mother of a 5-year, old whose husband Hari, played by Rajkumar Rao, leaves her an year after the marriage. We are told that Hari is a really bad guy because he has forced Vasudha to get his name tattooed on her arm, and constantly evokes their saat janam ka rishta, sanskaar and peedhiyon se chali aa rahi sanskriti. Vidya, on the other hand, is the lady in distress who always clutches at her mangalsutra as if it were a trophy, but eventually is serenaded by Aarav, played by Emraan Hashmi, the billionaire hotelier who has his own sad past.

It's tough to digest how the film's writers reinforce regressive mindset and beliefs by investing too much in symbolism of a mangalsuktra, pati parmeshwar, sanskaar and then foolishly try to fake feminism towards the climax with an artificial Durga imagery. The principal characters in the film are mere caricatures and lack soul, motive and purpose. You never really take up to Vidya's tears or understand Emraan's fetish fatale with her. Strangely, you do not even hate Rajkumar Rao's character and pity him for landing up a role that lacks layering and conviction.

From Sujoy Ghosh's Kahaani in 2012 to Mohit Suri's Hamari Adhuri Kahani in 2015, life seems to have come full circle for a certain Vidya Balan. Be it the traditional yet poignant Lalita in Parineeta (2005), the chirpy RJ Jhanvi of Lagey Raho Munnabhai (2006), the hysterical but effective Avni of Bhool Bhulaiyaa (2007), the shrewd Krishna of Ishqiya (2010), the spirited and seductress Silk in The Dirty Picture (2011) or the feisty Vidya of Kahaani (2012) - Vidya Balan has given us some of the most memorable female characters in recent times. With Hamari Adhuri Kahani, Balan nosedives to a new low in her career, so much so, that it not just hurts but even shocks you to believe that she gave her consent for a film as regressive, ridiculous and nauseating as this. Emraan Hashmi looks disinterested and the film does little justice to his acting potential or even his kissing caliber! Rajkumar Rao is wasted magnificently and it is painful to see an actor as brilliant as him to do a poorly written role as this. The film's support cast borders on being incompetent with the actor playing Emraan Hashmi's mother looking naive in her dialogue delivery and younger than Vidya Balan even with those fake grey strands.

The film's music does not live up to the melodious reputation of the Bhatt camp. Except for "Humnava" none of the songs have that repeat value or a humming quality that sticks on to you. The film's cinematography (Vishnu Rao) is below par, so is the background score that uselessly tries to build up tempo in this lethargic, boring film.

Overall, Hamari Adhuri Kahani will easily qualify as one of the biggest letdowns of recent times; specially for Vidya Balan who has wowed us with stellar performances in the past. This is one film that you can definitely miss and thank this reviewer for saving you your hard-earned money. 

Rating: * (Poor)

Bombay Beloved: Rock On! (2008)

Film Making is an exciting process. Perhaps, no other work engulfs you to an extent that you yourself become its embodiment. While making a film, you become its characters, its songs, situations and even its success/ failure. There are some stand out examples of such devoted film-makers, actors, musicians and other technicians who give their soul and heart to the process of film-making. For them, films are not just their source of livelihood or even a medium to express their creativity, but also a way of life.

First Impression:

When we look at the young generation of filmmakers, Farhan Akhtar is one such shining example. However, in 2008, when he decided to take a plunge into acting and singing, I was little skeptical. Being a conservative man, I have always vouched for 'specialists' and hence Akhtar's decision left doubts in my mind. Rock On!, the supposed launching pad of Farhan the Singer and Actor, was being directed by a little know Abhishek Kapoor, who had earlier delivered a dud like Aryan. All kinds of negative images were created in my mind regarding the film. I wanted a supremely talented director to stick to what he does best, direct films.

Even the music of Rock On! failed to make inroads in my thick skin. I am a very stubborn man when it comes to likes and dislikes. The idea of rocking on in Hindi seemed little alien to me. Javed Akhtar's lyrics failed to impress me first up. And then the film released. I went to watch it with a friend after lots of pursuance and insistence.

What I witnessed on screen during those 3 hours was awe-inspiring. Rock On! made one thing very clear from the onset. I did not need to be a rockstar to watch and enjoy the film. I did not require to have an understanding of Rock Music and bands to appreciate and indulge in the film. All I needed was to have a few good friends, some successes and failures and unfulfilled ambitions in my life to 'experience' Rock On!

Story:  

Aditya Shroff (Farhan Akhtar) is the lead singer  of the band 'Magik' who belongs to an affluent family. Joseph (Joe) Mascarhenas (Arjun Rampal) is the lead guitarist, Rob Nancy (Luke Kenny) and Kedar Zaveri or KD/"Killer Drummer" (Purab Kohli) comprise the remainder of the band. As youngsters, they dream of making it big in Rock Music but end up messing it up when the opportunity actually arrives. A series of compromises, ego tussles and love-hate relationships finally leads to disbanding of the band Magik. Worse, the four protaganists cease to be friends and drag themselves into cocoons of life, doing things that did not excite them.

Ten years later, coincidences and Aditya's Wife Sakshi's (Prachi Desai) efforts bring them together. Joe is now married to her girlfriend Debbie (Shahana Goswami) and is in poor financial condition. Magik regroups to recreate magic one last time. Friendship, love and ambition triumph over ego, hatred and obstacles.

Performances/ Why the Film Works?

Rock On! pegs you to dream big. It teaches you to value your relationships and never hesitate to pursue your goals. The film's high point lies in the simplicity with which it conveys a bag of complex emotions. Farhan Akhtar makes a fascinating debut and his voice emerges as his biggest strength. Arjun Rampal, finally, comes of age, and infuses life into the character of an insecure, struggling musician who wants to reach to stars someday. Luke Kenny and Purab Kohli play their part well and the four members of the band bond like house on fire. The ladies, Prachi Desai and specially Shahana Goswami, are not mere showpieces and are inseparable part of film's storyline. Abhishek Kapoor, the director, makes a massive mark with Rock On. This film makes Excel Entertainment's slate even more brighter.

Kudos S-E-L and Javed Saab!

With time, I developed a strong liking for the film's music. 'Tum Ho Toh' is melancholy and jubilation personified. 'Sinbbad the Sailor' is a landmark Hindi Rock Song. The title song and Pichhle Saat Dino Mein are superbly composed (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy) and written (Javed Akhtar). Rock On has an ultimate soundtrack that every music lover should have. And I have no hesitation in admitting that my initial judgement of the soundtrack was, well, faulty. (To say the least).

Why a 'Bombay Beloved?'

Rock On! symbolized Hindi cinema's coming of age, in many ways. It showed that buddy flicks need not always revolve around girls, romance and love, and a film based on Rock music can work with Indian masses. The main reason why Rock On worked, both with the critics and at the Box Office, was because it had its heart in place. Joe Mascarhenas did not just play with strings of the guitar but also hit a chord or two of the viewers' hearts. Aditya's vocals give you goosebumps, the band's camaraderie makes you smile. You relate with film's characters, their fights, the situations and wish to have that final swansong in your life too.

Rock On! is an honest film that does extraordinary things to you while telling an ordinary story. The culminating song (the last performance of the band) made me shiver and left my eyes wet. I am sure most of us have already watched it. If you have not, watch it as soon as possible. This is somewhere near to New Age Hindi Cinema's Pinnacle.

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Bombay Beloved series will feature Hindi films that have offered something new to the viewers, set a new trend in the industry and have certain repeat value.

Not A (Great) Love Story!

Ram Gopal Verma divides opinion, there is little doubt over this fact. While some loathe his mannerism, outspoken nature and even his body of work, others praise his distinctive style, courage and 'never say never' attitude. However, neither I intend to discuss the enigma called RGV here nor do I wish to tear apart his 'infant terrible' stature. I just wish to present an honest opinion on RGV's latest directorial venture 'Not a Love Story', based on the infamous Neeraj Grover Murder Case.

Lets make few things clear at the onset. This film seems to be made in a tearing hurry, to cash on the public attention the Neeraj Grover case is getting. To make sure that a good film is made in the given limited time span, the director has smartly used young (student-level) technicians, who come up with an over-all refined product. Students of a leading media school have managed to give a very slick look to the film. Not a Love Story boasts of snazzy editing, competent sound design and excellent special effects. This, for me, is the high point of the film.

The film also has excellent background score (Sandeep Chowta, Remember him?) and some very competent performances. Mahie Gill shines in the role of a aspiring actress whose dream of making it big in the dream city turns sour. Zakir Hussain, as the investigating cop, infuses life into the otherwise dull second half. Surprisingly, Deepak Dobriyal, otherwise a very fine actor, looks out of touch in the role of Mahie's obsessive boyfriend. RGV just makes a caricature of that gruesome murderer in form of Dobriyal.

Not A Love Story lacks drama. It merely tries to depict the circumstances and events that led to murder of Ashish (Ajay Gehi) on that fateful morning in Mumbai. Sadly, the killing and the subsequent chopping of the dead body fail to incite fear, nausea and tension in the viewers' mind. Expectedly, it is the famed 'camera angle' of RGV that irritates, nauseates and suffocates you. He goes overboard with his camera fixation and ends up zooming in on bosoms and underpants of the lead protagonist. Towards the end, you develop a strong feeling that camera in the film has been used for pretentious reasons, for hiding the glaring loopholes in story and screenplay. What else explains, a 'shaky' camera in the courtroom!

Unlike other crime dramas like No One Killed Jessica, Verma's Not a Love Story lacks substance, conclusion and conviction. The ending is bizzare and leaves a very bad taste in your mouth. A fine talent like Deepak Dobriyal has been terribly wasted. His only job is to pop out his yellow eyes and suck the life out of Mahie Gill's mouth. The middle portions of the film lack pace and hence, even a two-hours length seems to be treacherous. The director also does not bother to take the audience inside the mind of such a ruthless murderer. The 'psychological angle' would have been welcome, but all we get is a funny 'nightmare' scene, with RGV written all over it!

Verma's treatment of the subject in the final reels in amateurish and stupid in many ways. Yes, the case is still sub-judice and one does not expect the director to pass a judgement on the murder. Yet, the ending makes you laugh at the sheer audacity and stupidity of the director!

To give credit to makers of the film, the entire package is not that bad, thanks to strong technical aspects of the film. But, as the cliche goes, nothing can replace the soul and substance. Watch it (if at all) for Mahie Gill's riveting performance and some crash course in editing & sound design! And Yes, this is not RGV's 'best work' by any stretch of imagination.

Average- **!

This 'Shaitan' Packs a Punch!

Very few films make you happy after disturbing you to the core. Even fewer films engross you to an extent where you do not mind watching blood and gore on screen. To be honest, I have a very weak heart, I can not stand too much of violence, blood and other 'dark' domains. It is here that a film like Shaitan scores brownie points. It makes you a 'Shaitan' for that duration of nearly two hours. You become a part of that extraordinary ordeal and your innermost demons rule roost, without your conscience realizing the same.

Shaitan is the story of five friends (Emmy, Zubeen, KC, Dash, Tanya) who in the process of getting their asses saved get involved in a series of botched crimes. The film beautifully sketches the lives of affluent youngsters who devastate their lives by committing crimes which are more circumstantial than intentional. Shaitan quite correctly depicts youngsters as sexual, compulsive, edgy and aggressive. It reveals the dark undercurrent that lies beneath youth's trendy outfits, cool demeanor and attractive persona. 

Revealing too much about the storyline of the film would not be justified, as there is a wafer thing plot in first place. All I can say is that Shiatan is the sum total of umpteen 'judgmental errors' made by the characters in a matter of few hours. 

The film never gives you a chance to recover. It weaves a certain magic around you, which does not let you come out of the lives of those five friends. Apart from subtle doses of psychotic behavior, erratic waves inside a youth's mind and dark emotions, the film also dishes out some very basic, simple and 'worth-repeating-numerous-times' kind of lessons. I extracted the following lessons from the film:

• Always be very careful in selection of your friends
• Drug addiction is worse than death, it kills life every time it plans to resurrect itself
• And the most important, committing a new crime is never the best way to hide your criminal past

The film boasts of splendid performances. The entire ensemble cast of Shaitan breathes fire from scene one. There are no mediocre or even average actors involved here. Kalki Koechlin (in the role of Emmy) is the show stealer, she is one of those rare new talents in the industry who can enact both a 18-Year Old and a 80-Year Old with utmost ease. Rajeev Khandelwal (as Inspector Mathur) is super effective in the role of a frustrated cop, while Shiv Pandit (Dash) comes of age in the role of a mysterious drug peddler cum friend of other 4 central characters.

Gulshan Devaih (KC) and Neil Bhoopalam aka Zubeen (Who enacted Shayan Munshi's role in No One Killed Jessica) are terrific. Their peculiar behavior in first half of the film is sure to enthrall the audiences. Kirti Kulhari looks gorgeous as Tanya Sharma and emotes really well in the second half. Also, Rajat Barmecha (of Udaan Fame) appears in a very interesting cameo. 

The director, Bejoy Nambiar, deserves rich accolades for not faking the dark theme. There is strong logic behind every crazy move that characters make in the film. Abuses, dirty jokes fly around but they do not look vulgar. They complement the mood and tone of the film. The director maintains a hawk like grip over the proceedings, throughout the film. He gets into the psyche of Shaitan just so beautifully. Also, I laud Anurag Kashyap for producing a film like this. His taste for anything dark is quite legendary now, but this one is dark as well as beautiful.

Special credit must be given to the scintillating background score (Ranjit Barot), captivating cinematography (Madhie) and impactful dialogues (Abhijeet Deshpande). These are the three pillars of Shaitan on which hinges the overall receptivity of the film. 

There are a few glitches too. Rajiv Khandelwal's marriage on the rocks track looks futile. Also, the ending leaves you begging for more. But nevertheless, the movie as an entire package packs a massive punch. Shaitan is cunning, disturbing, dark, witty, gory, edgy, racy and scintillating.

This one is the best 'beat-the-heat-deal' on offer. Grab it!

Recommended!


Rating: **** (Very Good) 

P.S.: Do not watch it if you are below 18. Strictly Not. Few scenes are indeed very disturbing. Be Strong. And your girlfriend might develop symptoms like nausea and headache, if you plan to watch the film with her.

Film Review: Ready

Morning shows the day. Whosoever said this, must have been a man/woman with great wit and intelligence. When all the supposed Special appearances of Ready winded up within first 15 minutes of the film, I knew I was being taken for a ride. There was no logic whatsoever to cram Sanjay Dutt, Arbaaz Khan, Ajay Devgan, Kangana Ranaut and that Katrina Look alike (she finally has flab at right places) in the initial reels of the film. Cameos and special appearances are supposed to be ‘significant’ for the film, they are supposed to add some value. Only Zarine Khan had something to do as she sizzled in the character dheela number while Ajay and Sanjay looked completely out of place. I instantly got a feeling, Salman Khan, family (Arbaaz and Sohail, the producer) and friends (Sanjay, Kangana, Zarine) have made this film for fun, they must have had a gala time shooting in picturesque island of Sri Lanka.

So how is Ready? Firstly, it’s not just a no-brainer but actually a non-film, a tangy docu-drama, whose sole purpose is to glorify and further glorify the Larger than life image of Salman Khan, the lead protagonist. Nothing wrong with it. Salman Khan is a mega-star who is perhaps going through the purple patch of his career. In fact, he does give that periodic feeling of Vintage Salman. I mean only he can pee on a hay stack and ask you to go into interval and look cunningly at the audiences every time after getting hold of Asin’s Body. He plays it to the gallery and deserves all the sities and taalis. But…

There are several moments in the film when you feel like holding the director (Anees Bazmee) by his collar and ask him, “WHY”? This man has been dishing out rotten potatoes to the movie-goers for years now. I have seen good side of him (Deewangee, Pyar To Hona Hi Tha), he can be a master at comedy too (No Entry) but off late he seems to be driven by moolahs only. What explains his precarious decision of working on three films simultaneously (No Problem, Thank You, Ready). Even Ram Gopal Verma would be ashamed of such audacity. Bazmee virtually made No Entry Part 2 in form of Thank You (by the way, No Entry 2 is still on!), now he picks up Welcome’s script, replaces Bhais with mamas, expands the family on both sides and makes Ready! Outrageous.

Ready has no story to write about. There are simply too many characters. Salman has three uncles (sorry two if you do not count Paresh, his adopted uncle), each uncle has a wife. He has a father too, who also has a wife. Then there are two maids in his house, a Guruji and his accomplice. Asin’s family tree is worse. She has two Mamas, respective mamis, a rowdy cousin and the entire goon clan of the Chaudharies, as they call themselves.Thankfully, her parents are dead.

The entire first half is wasted in establishing the characters. Story and screenplay not just have loopholes but huge potholes. Talented actors like Paresh Rawal, Sharat Saxena, Akhilendra Mishra, Manoj Pahwa and Mahesh Manjerekar (he repeats Suneil Shetty's Act in Awara Pagal Deewana) have been terribly wasted. Only Sudesh Lahiri (of Comedy Circus fame) manages to tickle your bones. I have a feeling that director or the script writer contributed little to his achievements, his stint at Comedy Circus and his own sense of comedy saved the day for him. Asin Thottumkal needs to pay attention to her skin. Her face appears to be pimplified through out the film. For acting part, she is her natural self, vibrant in whatever little she has got to do.

Salman is the only savior. I am sorry, this film was made to show him as the savior. His screen presence his fantastic, you can not take your eyes off him when he is around. He throws some quirky one-liners (Its hilarious when he starts singing Chaudhary ka chand ho), packs some double meaning dialogues too. He is in top form, doing virtually everything possible in front of the audiences.

Music (by Pritam) is Ready's highpoint. Dhink chika and Character Dheela are chartbusters and other songs too suit the mood of the film. There is nothing special about Sunil Kumar's and Thomas Xavier's cinematography. As far as the story and script are concerned, well, JFI (Just Forget It).

I am not a Cinema scholar who tears apart every commercial cake thats on offering. But there should be a limit to what you offer in the name of fultoo entertainer or paisa vasool. The sad part is that makers of Ready seem to be arrogant and non-sensitive, in the way, they serve out this non-sense. Sheer star power of Salman Khan seems to have gone on to their heads rather than the actor himself.

Akshay Kumar too had a similar streak of success some years back. Salman Khan is different from him in the sense that he enjoys much larger and far more loyal fan following. It wont be an exaggeration if I say he is turning to be Rajnikanth of North. Wanted and Dabangg were the perfect fodder, but Ready flatters to deceive.

Final Verdict: You will be disappointed if you expected Ready to be the first big entertainer of the year. You will be exasperated if you thought Ready would give you a relief from scorching heat and overdose of cricket.

I would not state the cliche: The film is strictly for the die-hard Salman fans. 

My Rating: * 1/2 (Poor)

Salman Khan: A Star Away from Galaxy

While I was coming back from my office to home in the yellow-green Delhi Auto (I love this color combination!), my gaze fell on a small sticker pasted above the rear view mirror. I had seen posters of this man on almost all the autos, taxis, buses, small shops, in short in every nook and corner where India resides. The autowalah saw me looking at the sticker and put across a query " Bhaiya, Are you going for 'Ready' this Friday?". The exemplary glee and pride in his voice was evident.

That's the unique charm, charisma and mass appeal of this extremely good looking and 'somewhat' talented superstar of Hindi Cinema- Salman Khan. With uncountable flops to his credit and a not so sober image, Salman still manages to catch the imagination of the great Indian Aam Aadmi. But what exactly makes this Super-brat click? Where does he stand in front of the other two Khans..? Well, lets diagnose..

Salman Khan is not an actor, let's face it. He is a mere performer, a terrific one. His strength lies in being himself, not pretending (even remotely) to be someone else. Salman connects with the audience because, he does things that an ordinary young man fantasizes to do. So he rips apart his shirt and flaunts his muscular body, cracks jokes on farting, laughs very naturally, plays guitar on the seaside, dances with firangi girls on the beach, crushes the enemy with utmost ease and flamboyance. And ofcourse, woos women by singing romantic songs, dressing up in designer tees et al.

The audience also sees the 'rebel' in him. A guy who has broken law on many occassions, but is good at heart nevertheless. A friend of friends and a bitter enemy (Ask King Khan for both the aspects). The world also has a soft corner for him as he is perceived to be a man who has been betrayed in love time and again. So, the common perception implies that Aishwarya left her after climbing the success ladder, so did Katrina (if at all).

While SRK and Aamir are more like Businessmen, Salman is the people's man. The two of more illustrious Khans are shrewd intellectuals, very conscious of their image, the films that they do and how they behave in public. Off late they have presented themselves more like producers than Stars. They mean business, they deal in huge numbers.

Salman is a touch different, he walks in a friend's film just like that and research & preparation are two terms alien to him. Directors who know to tap Salman's " being self" talent, have succeeded in dishing out hits. Rest of them have just used him for no use effectively.

The original macho man of Indian Cinema, Salman Khan's career is very interestingly poised. His raw appeal seems to be working with masses but the urban audience might have developed a disconnect.His way forward heavily depends on films that he does post Dabangg, because there can't be many Wanteds and Dabanggs. He has already cashed upon trash masala stuff , the challenge is to go a step beyond and walk in a new lane. The question is what exactly can he offer us through 'Ready'?

Just for thought.- Have you seen anyone dance better than Salman Khan in 'Munni Badnam' ? Thats DANCE for you, rest of them I call as CHOREOGRAPHY.

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Don't miss Review of Ready on June3-4.