A (Drunk) Man's Best Friend

Alcohol is my way of getting closer to the almighty. I experience orgasmic illusions, divine hallucinations and several other visual/non-visual sensations of this order, every time I am drunk. You may find me weird but try and get into my psyche. You will understand what I mean. That feeling of being ‘free’ and ‘on top of the world’ can only be achieved when a certain amount of alcohol embraces your blood.

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My friend CB is an asshole, a teetotaler to be precise. I never wish CB long life on birthday. What’s the point of living a long life when it’s not sprinkled with colorful, volatile and semi-soluble liquids. You may think that I am very rude, how can I say such things about a person whom I call as a friend. But I don’t mind that you think this way, I am sure CB would not take it otherwise. CB is a sweetheart, like a tiny little bird residing in a cozy nest.

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I have always tried to locate a best friend in my life. You know it's very necessary that you have a best friend in your life. Not only he/she is supposed to help you swim across troubled waters, double your joy when you are happy and provide unconditional support, but also make it to the ‘featured friends’ section of Facebook. A best friend should be like a movie poster, glitzy and glamorous, worth attaching your name with.

Let’s rule out women from contention straightaway. All men suffer from some serious diseases related to adrenalin and libido. How so ever, asexual they might pretend to be, there would be a moment in time, when they will think for her ‘that way’. And needless to say, women as best friends would bring in some unwanted baggage like commitment, truthfulness, decency, secretiveness, loyalty and several other such humongous concepts. And most importantly, she would never ever let a sexy, smoldering-hot girlfriend enter your life. If given a chance, she would hook you up with a cow or a duck for that matter.

Those who say that things like books, music and teddy are their best friends are great losers. They just try and hide the fact that they do not have a best friend in their life. You must have a living thing by your side, when you require. What’s the point in crying while submerging your face inside the teddy, when all it can do is quickly soak the salty liquid.

I also rule out Girlfriend and family members from the list. I will not explain, why I have left them out. I am drunk, you are supposed to be in senses. And if you are in senses, you would know that being a 'man' you would never share all your secrets with your Girlfriend (Until you happen to be a pet dog) or with any of your family members (Until you are straight out of some daily soap).

That leaves me only with the option of men. A man can be a man's best friend. Yes of course, they can share dirty jokes, collaborate in women scanning, sit over for a drink, smoke, the list is endless. But, is that all in a man's life? Perhaps, I am coming back to my senses, so whatever I say now onwards is supposed to be taken seriously.

Why men bond only over women, drinks, cricket and things like that? Why do they talk less and hope to be understood more? What makes them so egoistic, stubborn when it comes to reacting to situations and persons ? No answers. No one has answers.

"For us friendship is like a engine that never runs out of gas. We kick around but leave imprints rather than cracks." I continued with my sermon.

"Please shut up. I have been hearing this all night long" CB finally spoke up.

"Look, I am not drunk. But, I feel like telling it to you. You are my best friend. You are exceptional" I shook vigorously while speaking. CB smiled at me. 

"You also consider me as your best friend. Say, yes." I was expectant.

"Yes, we are good friends." CB said

"Why just good friends, why not best friends, just because I am drunk. No one wants to be Drunk Man's Best Friend. Sad!" I was disappointed.

"Look into my eyes, can you see something" 

Next moment, I was kissing CB (Chetna Bakshi) passionately. She became A Drunk Man's Best Friend, at least for next few minutes..err..Hours. 

P.S. : There must have been some very good logic while designating the role of 'A Man's Best Friend" to Dogs.