A Doorstep Away

By Soumya Thakur

Since childhood, I have believed in the city of my dreams. My dreamland gave me an inconsiderable amount of joy, pleasure and self-satisfaction. To my surprise, these dreams have been extremely motivational, inspiring and encouraging factors that made me face the challenges of what they call it with straight spine, heavy voice and big eyes-‘Real World’.

I clearly remember my first ever dream was to become a teacher because Mrs. Das was just a perfect and loving lady for me. My fantasies took versatile turns like singing, dancing, fashion designing, astronomy, psychology, interior designing, journalism, event management, law, IAS and advertising & marketing. Amidst all these phenomenal delusions, one dream not only remained constant but also grew stronger in my blood, this was ‘To Be a Bride (of honour, as I would like to say it)’. This might sound weird as we trust in a world of competence, career, money and status. (By no means am I offending the great minds who find pride in this category). I still feel little embarrassed to admit that I actually belong to the land of fairy tales. My imaginary ‘True Love’, ‘Prince Charming’, ‘Beautiful Kids’ & ‘Happy Family’ have been living with me since I got my first Barbie. These never-been-to places, some known & unknown characters, self-created situations and reactions pulled me up when I was down in dumps. I never knew who these characters were till I met my boyfriend. With him came all the faces and filled blanks that were empty.

After being in a committed relationship of over 4 years, I realized that I have built several other unfilled blocks. This excited me as I got to think of even more spell bounding dreams yet felt unhappy because he was not 'settled'. A few days back on 7th March, I received a message “Its a jackpot!! :D :D :D” and I knew I had taken a huge leap towards my dream, escaping and avoiding those puddles and thorns. I stood up in excitement and sheer joy. I didn’t know anything else but to call mom and ask for ‘him’. Later, during our ‘pre-sleep talk’, I was going red and smiling ear to ear. We talked about confusions he had over money vs. passion, worry about his parents and how close we are to ‘Our Marriage’. It was all so fine until I kept the phone. First time ever in my life, I felt somebody has just sucked life out of me and what I had till now is a mere misapprehension and I don’t want to get married to ‘him’ at all.

This very thought made me sleepless, low and aggressive at the same time. What we have is something I cherish and feel genuinely happy about. Post marriage everyday life, taking even more care about certain things & issues and him, fights & big misunderstandings, insecurities about getting old and everything freaked me out. I thought it is better not to get married to the person you love so much, but to someone you do not know at all so that your bond remains intact & special. Next morning, I was so restless that I called him up to talk about the same even after knowing he is busy with his college. My world went back to the square one, the original dreamy self, as I heard his loving and concerned voice. Probably, that was all I needed and I realized it was just a nervous and rush hour state of my mind as I couldn’t handle the very thought that my one & only, the most precious and special dream is just a doorstep away.

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About the writer- Soumya Thakur is a student of Advertising and Marketing at St. Xavier's Institute of Communications, Mumbai. She is an avid dreamer and an occasional writer. To connect with her on Facebook, click here.